Taking Usher's advice and walking away... So I'm not usually one to talk about my emotions or feelings (I've actually been told that getting me to open up about my feelings is like talking to a wall) but for one night only, I'm gonna say what's really on my mind. An emotional fire sale if you will. I have decided to leave LA. I'm headed back to michigan to get some more schooling, probably for only one more semester but you never quite know with me I guess.
I have heard a lot of talk about how it's always hard to move to a new far away place but really, I just hate LA. California is wonderful, San Diego is gorgeous and the ocean is amazing, but Los Angeles might just be the worst city I have ever lived in, counting Springfield Ohio where I spent my first semester of undergrad. It is overwhelming and confusing. Did I give it a fair shake? Probably not, but honestly I would rather be happy than to try and force something that isn't working. I am sure that given enough time, I could stand living here but I would rather enjoy my neighborhood and feel a sense of community than live in this disparate sea of millions of people. Unlike New York, LA is scattered all over a large area with no rhyme or reason. And I'm sure that in time I could figure out the city and know where everything is, but I would still have to wait in traffic for an hour to go 10 miles. Two of the things I hate most in the world are lines and traffic. Driving here is a nightmare and I miss being able to walk everywhere.
I guess what it boils down to is that I'm not happy here. Who wants to be unhappy? I've got a plan for the next 6 months or so and during that time I'll figure out what I'll do next. Perhaps out here but more likely back to NY to try and make it out there. I'm not giving up on wanting to be a director but I did realize that career dreams are not more important to me than the people in my life. It sucks being 3000 miles away from the people I care about and it sucks even more being 3 hours behind them. I will spend the next semester writing and honing my skills as a director and hopefully working on some things to do with tv or film. I feel kind of like I failed which sucks becuase I'm trying to tell myself that I didn't, that I"m doing the right thing. Anyways, it was a pretty hard decision to make but once I made it it felt like the right thing to do. Everything happens for a reason and I think that I learned some things about myself that I may not have learned if I never moved out here. Live and learn I guess.
So I'll blog again soon hopefully. Did anyone watch my original Subaru Diaries? Should I do it again on the return trip? As always, get your feet off the ground and reach for the stars. Pain heals, chicks dig scars and glory lasts forever. Go big or go home. Carpe diem. Your heart is free, have the courage to follow it. Life's short, live large.
-M, p, z & shredder
oh ps - I guess this wasn't really that emotional or expressive. that's just how I am though I guess. New album I picked up, Katie Herzig, she's fab. Check it out. also the title was in refernce to the Usher song, not the wild fires out here, which I want to talk about soon.
3 comments:
I vote for a second Subaru Diaries. For those of us in the government it helps to make the workday go by quicker.
I liked the Subaru Diaries. For some reason whenever I watched them I started humming "Free Love on the Freelove Freeway."
hahaha, bout time you referenced the only 'office' i will acknowledge.
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