Okay sorry for the delay. Things have been somewhat busy. So there have been some questions as to how exactly the tourney works. Well all will be revealed momentarily. There is no point system, just a clear cut winner and loser decided by me, the counsel of one. Quick note before I begin. The superbowl was a huge dissapointment. I mean I am glad the colts won, i was rooting for them. But the commercials sucked balls. Except for that one GPS commercial where the guy became an Ultraman type character fighting a Map Monster, the rest were not funny and pretty lame. Leigh made some pretty good dip and I was drunk enough to not care that much about the game. Mmmmmm, wings...
Round 1A. There will be 4 games today meaning only 8 people will go. Round 1B will be later this week. Many of you may not know these people but the winners of this round will get a brief life overview before round 2. The matchups are selected randomly and I try to be as objective as possible.
Kiran V. vs Magic Johnson:
In an unexpected first round matchup, hailing from Port Huron, Mi. Kiran V. (aka Rusted Jesus) takes on a basketball legend of both the LA Lakers and Michigan State, Magic Johnson. Clearly Magic comes in as the heavy favortie, however, The Jesus has operated a very entertaining blog over the last few years which could give him an edge. The battle started out pretty even, Magic used his height advantage and wing span to keep Kiran at bay. KV used all of his might to over power Magic but it was no use. The magic was too strong. KV didn't give up though. He realized he couldn't use brute strength against such a man, and instead used his brain. He tricked Magic into a riddle battle and let Magic go first. Magic asked KV what was "black and white and read all over" to which Kiran easily replied, "a newspaper." MJ was shocked at how quickly KV answered and prepared for the worst. The Jesus dug deep to find something he could use against MJ and finally came up with a riddle. He said, "MJ how come you have the cure to AIDS and won't share it with the world?" At this MJ freaked out, and unwilling to share his cure with the world, he fled.
Winner: Kiran V.
Sameer P. vs Kelsey G.
Wow. This is big. A childhood bestfriend who is like family versus my bestfriend who would be family but she's white. This will be interesting, it could go either way. This battle started out very very tame. Both parties seemed afraid of confrontation and seemed to be happy being passive aggressive. The officials had to come in and turn it into a Cage Match. Confined to a 3'x3' cage, they quickly became annoyed with eachother after many hours. Kelsey threw the first blow as Sameer tried to find out what she wanted to do with her life to which of course she had no answer. Initially Sam was too afraid to hit a girl, but the hit awoke a sleeping giant. Sameer grabbed his conducting baton and started hitting Kelsey in the face with it furiously making tiny little cuts on her face. Every time he landed a hit he channeled Fresh Prince and said, "Jammmm." Kelsey tried to take him down with some syringes she stole from the hospital she works at, only to find that this only angered him even more. He grabbed a piano and threw it at her narrowly missing her. Just as he was about to crush her with his keyboard, Kelsey realized what she had to to. She could see in his eyes that when it came to love, he was self-described as woebegone. Right before he smashed down his keyboard she told him he was cute. Sam quickly blushed and turned away shyly. Kelsey siezed this opportunity to kick him out of the cage.
Winner: Kelsey G.
Bill E. vs Brian M.
Interesting match up. Both similar in many ways, height, weight, general lanky-ness. This match started out rather slowly. Bill was to busy playing World of Warcraft to be bothered with the match while Brian, who quit WOW months ago, was too busy playing Nintendo Wii to care about. In what is surely the laziest match of the tourney thus far, there was very little action. Officials tried to get Bill to go to the ring, and when he finally got up he told them he was going to the ring but actually just went to the kitchen to make some ramen so he could play some more WOW. Brian on the other hand became eager to battle after recently purchasing an Xbox 360. He challenged Bill to an online match of Halo2. Bill gladly accepted and went to un sheath his xbox. The game went very quickly. Brian's inexperience was evident from the start and Bill won easily, 50 - 6. On Brians dead body Bill wrote, "I PWN NooBS," and then tea bagged him.
Winner: Bill E. - Frozen Geese 4 Lyfe
Kris B. vs. Lucy Liu
In the second male vs female matchup, Kris B., ardent democrat from Ann Arbor, takes on a former U of M hottie, actress Lucy Liu. This was a match made in heaven...for Kris. Lucy had luck on her side as she instantly realized her power over Kris. For you see, Kris is well known for having Yellow Fever. For most of the battle she had him doing her laundry and making her food and essentially being her bitch. She made him watch VH1s The White Rapper Show, and the O'Reilly Factor. Kris was almost at his breaking point when she smiled at him and he got lost in her eyes. He tried so hard to fight it but he knew resistance was futile. She made him come out of the closet and admit all of his secret musical loves, Kelly Clarkson, Avril Lavigne, and Linkin Park. Just as everyone was getting sick of watching Lucy asked Kris to take her out. She wanted to go dancing. As soon as they got to the club, Kris got on the dancefloor and started doing the Robot. For real. He then went into some tantric version of a C-Walk and morphed back into a robot. Lucy was horrified, when she tried to get him to stop he blamed it on some non-existent tequila shots he took and said he was 'too drunk' to know what he was doing. She screamed and ran out, never to return. Kris actually tried to go after her but stopped when he saw other people doing the robot and joined in.
Anyways, thats all for now. Any questions, comments, or concerns about the tourney let me know. As always, get your feet off the ground and reach for the stars. Go big or go home. Pain heals, chicks dig scars and glory lasts forever. Carpe diem. Your heart is free, have the courage to follow it.
I'm out like the robot
-M, p & z
oh ps - any suggestions on more people to enter the tourney let me know. If anyone is sad about losing let me know and I might bring you back in a tag team battle royale.
