Zoobesucherin...

Call me callous but I have zero sympathy/tolerance for people who try and do dumb sh*t at zoos. Last year was the guy who was f*cking around with the tiger which sadly ended with the tiger being killed. Then, more recently, was the guy who tried to get into the panda bear exhibit because he wanted to hug the bear (though honestly, who can blame him?).

Today we find the crazy lady who jumped into a polar bear exhibit at the Berlin zoo. She was mauled. Of course. What did she think was going to happen? That she would pet them? That she would give one of them a coke and everything would be 'all good' and they would chat the day away? Listen, I'm on the fence in the first place about zoos. On one hand they present a great way to learn about animals and see them first hand when people might not otherwise get the chance. Hopefully it promotes a positive view on how precious animals are and teaches people to respect them as being as worthy of life as any of us. On the other hand, I hate the fact that these animals are taken out of their natural habitat and have to sit in cages or glass boxes all day long, never to return to their wild habitat. It seems cruel and archaic. Haven't we progressed beyond capturing exotic animals just so we can take pictures of them? Regardless of what I think or feel, these animals are here against their will, and this is what happens.





It might be sort of sad and sadistic that I laugh every time she falls. Haha. I can't help myself.

I'm back to NYC Monday so next post will probably be tuesday-ish. Have a good Masters Sunday. Go big...

-M, p, z & shredder

Growin Beards...

I suppose the answer to the question of how long it takes after you've grown a beard (and are brown) before someone throws out a racist terrorist allusion is about 3 weeks.

Sorry I haven't blogged in a while, I've got a couple friends in town and the binge drinking has returned with a vengeance. So last night we were out on the town when a friend of mine started sucking this other girls face off. So my other friend and I were left standing there talking to her friends when I made the benign comment that their other friend sitting on the ground on a big puddle of beer looked like she peed her pants. Apparently this was the most incendiary thing anyone has ever said to her and she got up, called me some really bad words and then gave me the finger. Then she proceeded to yell/tell me that it was the most hateful thing anyone has said to her and said to me, "what's your fucking name, Kaleel or Kaleem or whatever Muslim names they have," because obviously, my pee-pee comment was the equivalent of dropping racist bombs.

Then she started crying. Just crying and crying. And we started laughing. Because really, what else could we do. Hardly a coincidence that she was 19, white and from Vermont. I love people.

Go Big

-M, p, z & shredder

Monsters!...

Just got back from the Nets Pistons game. A.I.'s first game as a piston. It pretty much sucked. First loss of the season. I just wanted to mention something funny that happened on the train. Some dude was saying by to this chick and apparently blocking the door to get in the train and this crazy old black guy says, "Get the fuck out of the way." So everyone turns to look and the tall white nerdy guy says, "Relax." It's pretty much exactly what I would have said. Then the train starts moving and the old black guy isn't done. He says to the guy, "Damn ugly ass boy blocking the door...(pause - no one says anything)..That's right, I'll cut your fucking legs off!!" I laughed audibly. I was scared the guy heard me but he didn't because he was f-ing crazy.

Also, Monsters Vs. Aliens is going to be an awesome movie.



As always, go big....

-M, p, z & shredder

The Death of Indiana Jones...

I grew up on Indiana Jones. I remember being 7 and watching The Last Crusade in theaters. I used to pretend I was him and ran around with a jump rope as my whip swinging onto trees. I think he's the first person to ever make a man bag look cool. Really cool. So I was more than excited for The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. If not for the new Batman, I would probably say that I haven't been this excited for a movie since I was sorely disappointed by X-3. But man, was I ever let down.



















It might be the worst movie I've seen in theaters in years. It was such a joke I can't even explain. Without really giving anything away, the movie is kind of like a really lame episode of the x-files. It had no mystery in it. No sense of adventure. It had a couple things that made me happy. To quote My Chemical Romance, "I hate the ending myself, but it started with an alright scene." It seriously went downhill right after the opening scene. If you haven't seen it then read no further, unless you don't care. I'm going to divulge some things here.

***SPOILERS***

So first of all, right after the opening scene that takes place at a military testing ground that happens to also be the same site of the infamous warehouse where they keep the Ark (from Raiders), he ends up in the middle of a test community and can hear that they are about to test a bomb. So he hides in a lead lined refrigerator and they drop a nuclear bomb. He survives a nuclear bomb in a fridge? Really? They show the fridge being blasted away from the site and thrown high up in the air and smashed down repeatedly and somehow he just opens the door and walks out without a scratch? Doubt it.

Instead of making it an archeological expedition filled with mystery and adventure, it was one big chase scene where everything was laid out in front of him. Cate Blanchette was as bad as everyone else. She wasn't threatening at all. I didn't eve care about her or the story. It was one long silly scene. Actually I was so afraid that Shia was going to ruin the movie but he ended up being the only person worth watching. He character wasn't the best and kind of silly, but he brought something to it and I thought he did a good job. But him swinging with the monkeys in the jungle like Tarzan?!?! Then having the monkeys attack Cate Blanchette?!?! WTF!! I lost it at that point.

After that the movie went completely downhill. It was so ridiculous and silly that it made no sense. The great thing about Indiana Jones is that he's not a super hero. He is just a professor who loves to find hidden treasures. He can get hurt and does and that is what made him awesome. But in this movie, after surviving the nuclear bomb, he repeatedly gets hit and shot at and falls down waterfalls and never has more than a couple bruises on his face.

The ending is what killed me though. I was already close to walking out of the movie, which I have never done in my life, and then the ending came and made me wish I had never set foot in that theater. They replace the skull and then the "temple" they are in turn into a f**king space ship. Are you kidding me? Then the 13 alien skeletons can reform now that the last skull is replaced and it becomes an alien who comes back to life and looks and awful like E.T.'s dad and just stares at Cate Blanchette until she blows up because apparently despite the fact that these aliens supposedly taught the Mayans how to farm and build things, they also hate Cate Blanchette because she wanted to be smart. Then of course the spaceship lifts off and flies away and Indiana Jones, his son, his wife and their friend are all safely perched above the collapse of an area that was probably a mile wide and it fills up with water and washes away all the evidence.

I wish it washed away the evidence of the movie. It f**cking sucked. Balls. I'm so mad. What a waste. They killed Indy.

I'm out. Go big.

-M, p, z & shredder

oh ps - as if this wasn't enough. George Lucas already has plans to bring back Shia Labeouf in new Indiana Jones movies where he takes over the franchise. Since it is Indy's son they probably won't even change the name. Dear god, shoot me now. Please. In the eyes. So I never have to see this bull shit again.

Paw-Paw!

Are you f-ing serious. This story is too much. This 5 year old kid shot and killed a bear. Now, I'm okay with hunting (not exactly hunting but hunters who generally have a good concept of wildlife conservation not to mention land preservation) but this is insane.

First of all five year olds shouldn't be wielding guns. This dude gave his 5 YEAR OLD a loaded shotgun. That's unacceptable. Even worse is that the kids dad started to teach him to shoot when he was 2 1/2 years old! Seriously? He killed 3 deer last year when he was 4. I understand that he's a descendant of Davy Crockett but WTF. This is yet another reason I think the 2nd Amendment needs to be modified. They should probably ask people if they intend to let their 5 year old use the gun they are buying.

This story rules on some levels though. Mostly the southern vernacular.

"It came from the thicket and it was beside the road and I shot it." It sucks how jealous I am that this kid gets to use the word 'thicket'.

"'Paw-paw I squeezed the trigger and I didn't close my eyes. I killed him." Paw-paw. Possibly the greatest word in print.

I'm out. Don't forget to give a loaded gun to a 5 year old. As always, get your feet off the ground and reach for the stars. Pain heals, chicks dig scars and glory lasts forever. Go big or go home. Carpe diem. Your heart is free, have the courage to follow it. Life's short, live large.

-M, p, z & shredder

oh ps - Some of you may have heard that they are only doing one more upgrade/repair to the Hubble Telescope / Space Station and then are never going back. It is going to keep taking awesome pictures for like 10 more years and then it's just gonna hang out in orbit for the rest of eternity. Isn't it bad enough that we can't keep our cities clean? Now we have to leave our trash in orbit as well?