Charlie Sheen, I Hate You: vol. 19...

Oh what a wonderful little twist this story is having. As you all know by now, I am a fierce opponent of the fact the Charlie Sheen is still alive, and as such am always elated when bad things happen to him. It seemed as if he would never get what was coming to him. Hold your wife at knife point on Christmas day? No worries, you're Charlie Sheen. Drive while under drugs? NBD. Busted for cocaine? How about a raise?!

But finally after years and years of perpetuating the collapse of American society with that terrible terrible atrocity that is Two and a Half Men, you may have finally done it. After calling out AA and CBS and making personal attacks on the creator of the show, it canceled the rest of the season. Fantastic news. And now, his appearance on the Today Show this morning, has resulted in an incredible backlash against him. Not since Tom Cruise called Matt Lauer 'glib' has anyone given such a crazy interview. He's still on drugs and his spiral into hell is really fun to watch.

Here is a coincidental link Kingsford recently posted about what people look like after getting addicted to drugs. Look at those and tell me Chuck doesn't belong with these other assholes. Hopefully within the year, people will forget that he ever existed.

Charlie Sheen, I hope you don't die, but live a long agonizing life where I get to punch you in the face every day until I have kids and then they get to punch you.

Go big.

-M, p, z & shredder

Charlie Sheen...

As Mark Twain thoughtfully pointed out to me, I forgot to mention something that I love bringing up. Charlie Sheen threw another log on my hate fire yesterday as he was once again the subject of being a terrible human being and a plight on the universe, and yet again, he gets away without even a slap on the wrist. For those who haven't heard, he once again wound up drunk and high off of cocaine. This time he trashed his room at the Plaza Hotel and some reports have him being naked and alone (like an asshole) when the cops came to his room. Apparently the hotel isn't pressing charges which is a shame.

On the plus side, he's still technically on probation from his last domestic abuse charge (when he held a knife to his wife's throat - on Christmas - and didn't go to jail) and I'm hoping a judge will see him being drunk and coked out as some sort of violation of his probation. If there's Vegas odds on this, I'm banking on this fucker not going to jail. Why do people like him? How can he keep getting away with this? It's not right. Lindsay Lohan, no saint herself, has done far less in her life and been far less reckless and endangered far fewer people, yet somehow has gone to jail for every little thing she does. And at least she's a talented actress who, once upon a time, was smoking hot.


I just don't get it. Mostly I don't get why anyone likes him, the worst show in the history of television, and his dumb haircut. He needs to overdose, but not so he dies, just so he can't walk anymore or something equally terrible. Either that or have an Agent come in from the Matrix and cover his mouth permanently.

Erase the hate. I'm out. Go big.

-M, p, z & shredder

Keep On Truckin'...

You know what's strange? The fact that people jump in front of huge semis on the freeway or in the city with no regard for the fact that the semi could run them over in a second and not even feel it. When did people decide that every truck they cut in front of is a gentle giant. Who decided that the right way to merge was speed ahead to the first truck and then jump in right in front of him?

As I was driving back to Chicago from Michigan today, I decided to take I-90, which is a toll road, because 94 has been heinous with all the construction. While sitting at one of the three toll stops, the huge semi in the lane to my right kept honking his horn. I looked over and noticed that no less than 5 cars jumped right in front of him when he was almost at the toll. A normal person like myself would have been furious about this and I wondered what was stopping this truck from ramming into the last asshole that cut him off. He's a professional driver with deadlines and cargo and a bad back and these assholes just need to get home so they can tivo Two and a Half Men!

I found myself hoping the driver would snap and instead of honking his horn, just roll one of his tires forward and flatten that asshole's BMW into the ground. But he didn't and I paid my toll and drove off. But it did make me wonder why so many people think that there is no danger in cutting off a truck. That's like walking by a bunch of murderers with pistols and fucking with the one with the bazooka because apparently anyone with a gun that big is not going to use it.

Anyway, I'm out. Go big.

-M, p, z & shredder

Don't Judge Me...

I have a confession to make that is both disgusting and embarrassing. You know that new Nickelback song, This Afternoon? I kind of like it. And by kind of, I mean I love it. It's the best. I'm repulsed by myself. I feel like I just watched an episode of Two and a Half Men or something. But I can't help it. I tried so hard for so long to pretend that I hated the song. But every time it came on I would publicly groan and then silently pray that no one changed the station. Now it's on my ipod. If you haven't heard it, avoid it at all cost so your hatred of Nickelback can remain intact. Actually I might hate them more for making me like one of their wretched demon songs.

It's insane how bad the lyrics are. For example:

"Landlord says I should buy a tent
But he can kiss my ass 'cause I paid the rent
So I doubt he'll kick me out this afternoon"

What does that even mean? I hate the lyrics and his voice and everything about this band, but I still can't help but love this song. It's pretty much the perfect white trash summer drinking song. I want to go outside, play bags and drink Busch Light. The only thing that makes it somewhat acceptable is that Tiger Woods likes Nickelback and that dude's a billionaire. Come to think of it, Tiger might have some white trash in him. He likes ugly trashy fat chicks and Nickelback.

Anyway, give it a listen if you haven't heard it I guess. My favorite part is near the end when he screams, "last call you sons of bicthes!!"



I'm out. Go big.

-M, p, z & shredder

Charlie Sheen...

I hate Charlie Sheen. In an update to an earlier post about him going to jail, not surprisingly his sentencing was delayed. He was supposed to report to jail today and I was going to pop some champagne, but instead he now has to go back to court for something new about his last domestic violence charge.

Here's what I don't get: Chris Brown hit Rhianna once and that's all she wrote. Charlie Sheen has mulitiple violence charges against mulitiple women, the last one involved holding a knife to his current wife's throat. On Christmas. Chris Brown immediately sought treatment, counsel and has felt the public backlash ever since. Charlie Sheen doesn't go to rehab, doesn't get counseling and CBS not only doesn't pull his show but instead gives him a raise to once again make him the highest paid actor on television. Was Denise Richards not a big enough star to beat up? Does he need to cold clock Julia Roberts (even though I can't stand the woman myself) for people to start hating him? What's it going to take?

Is it because Charlie Sheen is whiter and richer than Chris Brown? Most likely. But it seems like other white celebrities have been reamed out for violence. Christian Bale was ostracized for just raising his voice to his sister and felt the backlash forever. And that dude was Batman! What is it with Charlie Sheen that people love so much? How can he keep getting away with this. He needs to have a military courtmarshall or something because clearly the civilian courts are failing. He needs to be shot in the kneecaps.

Anyway, rant over. Go big.

-M, p, z & shredder

Wednesday Two Three...

One
My parents had their 35th anniversary yesterday. That's a long time to be married to anyone especially when they're polar opposited like my parents are. They celebrated by my dad having the flu and going to bed at 9. Getting old is going to be a riot.

Two
One of my pet peeves is when people gloat about not reading. You know when people say things like, "I don't know who that is because I don't read," or, "I don't read books because they're boring." I think it stopped being cool to pretend you're too cool for reading at like 10 and even then I'm not sure it was ever cool. Maybe 'cool' to not do homework, but watching Two and a Half Men instead of reading a book is what's wrong with this country.

Three
Speaking of my most hated show in the history of television, Charlie Sheen might finally get some jail time for his countless arrests for drug charges, domestic violence, reckless driving and harrassment. Unfortunately since he's a celebrity and has enough money to get rid of everything he's only been sentenced to 30 days which will most likely be commuted for 'good behavior' down to 15 days. Here's to hoping he gets shanked.

Anyway, go big.

-M, p, z & shredder

One and a Half Men?...

Great news today! Rumors are swirling that Charlie Sheen wants off the worst show in the history of television. Many of you know my deep seeded and quite sincere complete hatred of Two and a Half Men, and if this rumor is true, the show would be over. Finally. I've gone over it many many times before and will spare you a rant, but it's truly the worst show in the history of anything. I'd rather listen to Sarah Palin. Seriously. I don't know if any of you have ever dared watch more than a minute of it, but if you have you understand. It's the worst acting, writing and 'talent' ever assembled in one show.

I have been hoping that Sheen's rampant drug use, rehab, charges of domestic violence and drunk driving would be enough for CBS to fire him, but that would be asking too much from the network that renewed another season of The Mentalist (burn!). Somehow though, it remains the highest rated sitcom on televsion which honestly makes me question whether anything I write will ever stand a chance if this is what people want to see.

Anyway, my fingers are crossed that this all ends up ending the show and I never have to hear about this show for the rest of my life. Go big.

-M, p, z & shredder

The NFL...

Just noticed something on espn.com that I wanted to mention - the NFL is full of terrible people. While this is clearly not breaking news, I wonder why it's not discussed/written about/mentioned as much as the NBA was during the years when more bad things happened publicly than good. Back when the Portland Trailblazers were known as the Jailblazers and more people were getting arrested for felony possession of pot/coke/drug of choice, than people getting community leadership awards. David Stern, the commissioner of the NBA, made a bunch of rules and regulations that have turned that view around completely. The NBA Cares program is the best community outreach program of any professional sport. The dress code actually does seem to have an impact on the players and they seem to not only be dressing more professionally but also acting in accordance.

The NFL meanwhile is full of worthless, terrible people. While there are obvious standout assh*les like Pacman Jones, there also seems to be an abundance of general dumbasses wildin out. Here are the main headlines on the NFL page at espn:

- Stallworth gets 30 days in jail in DUI fatality
- Leaf faces Thursday deadline to turn himself in
- Burress hearing delayed to Sept. 23
- Cards' Patrick suspended 4 games for Adderall

These are just from the 10 headlines that are constantly being updated for new stories. How ridiculous can the NFL be. It's time for a change. There needs to be a set of rules that follows the rules of society. In real life if you are wanted for drugs, you're going to jail. Not the same for the NFL. If you kill someone while driving drunk, you're spending more than 30 days in jail. These 'punishments' aren't even a slap on the wrist. If they mess up, take away their money, contracts, endorsements and put them in jail. To simplify it down a little bit, you could look at the MSU football team from 2000 when Jeff Smoker was going out doing coke all weekend, players were raping girls, stealing cars and breaking and entering and got away with it. It took a completely new coaching staff and a new set of rules to turn things around and that is exactly what the NFL needs.

These problems are systemic and it starts with athletes getting everything they want in high school, going to college where they get even more and then to the NFL where they get the most and get away with the most. These things need to be stopped.

That's all. As always, go big or go home.

-M, p, z & shredder

oh ps - that said, go rent/buy/netflix/hulu season 3 of Friday Night Lights. Just came out on dvd a few weeks ago. Like I keep saying, start at season 1 and watch every single episode. It's all online for FREE. Stop watching 2 and a half men, you're making me ill.

Joe Somebody...

Really? Joe? If that old creepy dude calls me 'my friend' one more time, I might punch him square in the nose. He's not my friend. I have friends who are republicans. He is not one of them. That debate last night continued to reveal McCain to be a crotchety old man who doesn't understand what he's doing. He keeps on attacking Obama like a 12 year old would. I'm sure if he spent more time explaining his plans, people would listen more. Instead he's always trying to poke holes in Obama's ideas and 'record' but Barack always seems to have the right thing to say back. If it comes down to a war of words Obama is gonna take it. Unfortunately it doesn't. It comes down to crazy people who think Palin would be good for the country. Regardless, I'll stop talking about politics for a second.

Has anyone been watching TV lately? Not the news but programming. I haven't really but I have seen some good ones. If you aren't a fan of Chuck and didn't heed my advice from last year, it's a good show so check it out. It's on right before Heroes (which I haven't seen yet this season but I hear it's better than last (thank god for Tivo)). Also FX has a show on wed nights called Sons of Anarchy. It's not bad. Sort of Sopranos meets Biker Gang. I don't remember exactly the state their from but I think it's in New Mexico maybe? It's on wed nights and it's worth a watch if you're bored. Grey's is actually pretty good so far this year. Not ridiculous but better than last season. Other than that I have seen nothing. What's good? Anything new? I'm boycotting that show "The Mentalist" because it is essentially a rip-off of Psych (best show on tv period) only it doesn't look like it's funny. My hatred of CBS grows stronger by the day. Despite my pleas and amazement, Two and a Half Men continues to dominate. It's people like that that make me think McCain is going to win.

Still no luck on the permanent job front. I've been applying to Nonprofits and Productions companies still. I guess wherever I get a job first will determine my life. I'm just sort of going with it. Catering will have to make do for now but I would really prefer a full time gig with benefits and a salary. Also, I'm working on some new scripts so if anyone has any ideas or wants to collaborate let me know, I need someone to bounce ideas off of.

Anyways, I guess that's it. Go big...

-M, p, z & shredder

It's About Something...

I am a huge Seinfeld fan. I love the show. I think Jerry is hilarious. His stand up is great and if you haven't seen the documentary Comedian, you need to. It's awesome. But one thing I don't get is why people say that the show is about nothing. It's about something. It's not like it's about 4 people sitting around watching paint dry. It's got plots and story lines and recurring characters. It's just as much about 'nothing' as every other sitcom is. It's about 4 friends. No one says that Friends is about nothing. Is that because there's 6 of them? It's basically the same premise. A group of friends hanging out and things that happen to them. Sounds the same to me.



Waiting for a table in a restaurant is a plot. It's not like nothing is happening. Things are happening. They are waiting, they are annoyed with the host, they have confrontations etc. People always point to this episode when they claim the show is about nothing but how can it be about nothing when it has a plot. All of the episodes have plots. Sometimes incredibly ridiculous ones like Kramer being wanted as a serial killer in LA. That's more of a plot and story line than most sitcoms have.

The only show about nothing that I can think of is 2 and a Half Men, but that's because it's the worst show in television history and nothing happens because no one laughs and from what I can tell it's about 2 terrible dudes and a fat kid who sit around wearing ridiculous looking clothes.

Anyways, that's all for now. Go big...

-M, p, z & shredder

oh ps - 7 days til the Dark Knight!!!!!!!!!!!!!