I'll see you all in Hell....

So I was driving to work a little while ago and i was waiting at a stop light just watching traffic. I noticed this kid in the backseat of a car with his face pressed up against the window looking wide eyed with his mouth wide open. I started to laugh because it was a pretty fun sight, or at least from a distance. As the car passed my i realized that it was actually a kid with downs who clrealy could not close his mouth and his face was not, in fact, pressed up against the window - that was just what it looked like. So after feeling like an asshole i decided that i am going to hell. Then i got to thinking about it and as long as i am going down there i might as well talk about some people who are going with me...

Kris B: A similar story: Outside a bar there was this guying yelling incoherently and slurring all his words. Kris turned and said out loud "Damn, that guy is blasted!" To which someone informed Kris that the person yelling had autism. He's going to Hell.

Peter G: (my brother told me this story years ago and i can't help but laugh). I believe it happened on the streets of DC on their 8th grade field trip there. Anyways they were walking down the street and Peter accidentally stepped on a homeless guys banana, to which the homeless man said "Hey man, that was all my food!" After that the man asked Peter for some money to buy lunch but poor Peter had none. Alas, Peter is now going to hell.

Raky P: After seeing the great Mohammed Ali carry the olympic torch, Raky busted out laughing hysterically. Then he goes into an impersonation of Mohammed Ali, walking around shaking uncontrollably and putting out his hand (while shaking) asking people, "You wanna shake my hand?" A knock on millions of people who suffer from Parkinson's. He's going to Hell.

Muki M: At a wedding a couple summers ago, muki's level of out-of-control drunkeness was inexcusable. He got so blasted he started dancing with sheela who is a family friend that we have known forever and by dancing i mean leaning on her with all of his weight and gently swaying back and forth in a stupor. Then later i caught him talking to a group of girls (again family friends)...only he was kneeling on the ground with his fists on the ground like an ape. I then got him up and to the bathroom where he punched the concrete wall (his hand hurt for months afterwards (he scared rajiv)). After leaving the bathroom he was mad that i made him puke and he said "I don't care if you are my brother i will fucking kill you!" Then while i was on a liquor run with rushi, he stole his car keys from sameer (he was holding them because muki was threatening to drive home) and made sameer (who isn't big on running) chase him around the parking lot at the hotel at 2 in the morning. Needless to say muki did not drink at another wedding for a year and to this day he says he will never do it again. From his antics on that night he is definitely going to hell.

Actually Kris and I will be travelling to a deeper dimension of Hell. Last year on my brother's birthday we took a party bus out to Pontiac to go to some club. Afterwards we were completely blasted and in dire need of some food. We see a Taco Bell across the road and decide to run over there. Unfortunately only the drive through was open... Drunk logic made us assume that for some reason it would be legit if we walked through the drive through. After waiting at the call-box, where one would usually order food, to no avail we decided to walk up to the window. This is the conversation that followed between us and the guy who worked the pay window (fortunately i had a camera to document that great moment in our lives (tell me we don't look blasted))




"Guy: You guys can't be doin this.
Kris: I'm sorry, we just gotta get some food.
Guy: You can't walk through the drive-thru.
Me: We're really hungry.
Kris: Please man, I just gotta eat. Seriously. Please.
Guy: Aight man, what you guys need?"






Anyways there are much more people going to hell and i will inform you of who they are and their terrible deeds in an ongoing segment heretofore known as "Take me to Hell" (said the same way one would say "take me to jail," in a martin lawrence sort of twang).

Anyways as always keep your feet on the ground but keep reaching for the stars.
I'm out
-marty

oh ps - 'hustle and flow' makes me want to follow my dreams of being a music producer...If you have any wild dreams or aspriations let me know and maybe we can collaberate on something.

Well the Superbowl was somewhat XL. The highlight for me (and i am going to assume muki and rajiv as well) was the Macgyver commercial. I mean, aside from the fact that Richard Dean Anderson looked like he put on 60 pounds after Stargate SG-1 was cancelled, the commercial was fantastic. If you missed it you can catch it and the rest of them here. A couple of years ago there were some rumors floating around IMDB that they were going to make either a new season of Macgyver or at least a movie, i am now somewhat glad they didnt. Although i have no doubt that they could make it look amazing and have him invent some very cool things, a big part of Mac was his youthful curiosity and that was usually what got him into (and out of) most of his jams. I don't think a 50 something year old R.D. Anderson could pull it off after it looks like he ate the body of the recently deceased Dana Elkar (Pete Thornton from the Phoenix Foundation for those who dont remember).

Other than that the game was alright. I am glad that steelers won, and it ended up being a little more intense than the score would have indicated. The only problem i have is being able to relate to the plight of the seahawks. I am not talking about the loss, but the fact that they got no respect. I can't help but compare them to the Pistons of 04. The media treated both teams equally skanky. I don't really want to get into it, but it has to take away from the experience for the players somewhat to have everybody only talking about the opposing team and how good their story is and how much the country wants them to win and how it is "america's team'. It's always hard to root against an underdog, especially one that is a team you like.

Anyways moving on. I wish killing people wasn't illegal. Or at least i wish that you were allowed to kill people who are being absolutely terrible human beings. For example: I went to get gas earlier at the gas station that is right by my apartment, the problem is that it is at a very busy intersection and also right off the freeway and also fairly cheap so it is always crowded and due to it's positioning between 2 one-way streets (that are each 4 lanes) it is always a zoo to get out because people are always waiting behind you. Anyways i was patiently waiting for this woman to reverse so i could fill up. The only way she could get out was if i reversed so i did so all the way to the curb, enough to give even the widest of turners plenty of room to navigate. Well apparently she never learned how to drive and decided there wasnt enough room. First of all she waited until she completely cleared the pump to even start turning the wheel, then she has the balls to get out of her car and stare at me. She didnt say anything, she just stared. Then she got back in and tried to reverse some more, knowing that i am already against the curb. Then she gets out and waves her hand at me to reverse, to which i do one of those arms in the air "what the fuck do you want me to do bitch" gestures. Finally she made some crazy manuvers that i dont think are legal and gave me enough room to get to the pump so she could leave.

The needs to be a new law about having a license. Passing a test when you are 16 does not mean that you can still drive properly when you are 50. There needs to be a yearly test. I dont think you should get to renew your registration without passing the test. I say increase the cost of renewing your registration by a few dollars and make every asshole on the road take a road test. The number of people who tell me they suck at parking or reversing or driving on the freeway is staggering. Are you kidding me?! You mean to tell me that pretty much the only thing you can do is drive straight??? Listen, if you cant reverse you shouldn't have a license. I could go on about this forever but i think that women should be tested twice a year while men only every 5 years. Asians need to be tested as frequently as women and asian women need to take a test quarterly.

Anyways that is about all i have to say for now but remember, keep your feet on the ground but keep reaching for the stars.

drive safe.

-marty

oh ps - i started listening to opera so if you are into that and you can recommend something please do. i prefer aria's but if you know of something i will love, holla atchya boy.

It is much easier to blog on the site than friendster. Or at least i am just in one of those blogging grooves. I like the photo posting option through this too, although i must admit i found it confusing to figure out with out reading the directions.

What is it about trying to do things without reading the directions that is so appealing. I mean when you buy something new isn't it only logical to read the instructions to see how it works. Obviously with things like vcr's (do people still buy those ancient relics??) there is no need to read the instructions, or with a new computer (unless it is a different operating system...) there is no need to figure anything out. But whenever i buy something new that isn't assembled or comes with one of those plastic bags inside the box that has the instructions along with the screws or install cd, wouldn't it be logical to assume that the reason they are in the same bag together is because they are equally as impoartant? I mean it's not like it's the warranty or something that is shoved in the bottom of the box with no regard for the safety of it; it's not like its placed in a water tight bag like the instructions.

Anyways, one of my favortie things about dudes it how ridiculous we are. Anytime we talk to a girl or see one who might accidentally glance at you, the first thought we have (though it's completely joking 99% of the time ) is how bad she wants me. If i am in the office and someone comes in to pay rent, after she leaves i will look at Bill and say, "did you see that? she just eye-fucked the shit out of me." To which Bill will reply, "Fuck yeah she did."

In a 15 second conversation i had with sameer earlier this is what we talked about:
"liszt007 (11:28:37 AM): i'm conducting the livingston symphony orchestra tomorrow night
liszt007 (11:28:43 AM): as a last minute substitution for my friend
Malivan (11:28:44 AM): damn, thats big time
liszt007 (11:29:58 AM): then i'll hopefully be hooking up with the hot cellist"
Anyways, my conclusoin is that guys rule and girls drool. Keep on truckin'. And as always keep your feet on the ground but keep reaching for the stars.
i'm out

-marty

oh ps - i think you can subscribe to my blog so when i post it will email you. anyways i know there are some die hard fans out there so keep your ear to the grindstone if you know what i mean....

The dark side has taken me...