Dear Brooklyn...

Stop being a pain in the ass to get to. Stop convincing people that you're a fun borough to hang out in. You're not cool, fun and definitely not 'so beautiful.' My neighborhood is much nicer and I live in little Cuba apparently. Your streets look like Baghdad. Stop letting hipsters take over everything.

Dear Hipster, can you please stop sticking your elbow in my ribs before I kill you? It's called personal space and I know you and your bangs think that it's cool and bohemian to not apologize for stepping on my toes, but you're ugly and need makeup and are not nearly cool enough to not look me in the eye and beg forgiveness for spilling beer on me while you step on my toe. Can we please be done with the bright tights with the black boots? Hipster is the new Goth. Take a shower and grow up, you aren't that cool or original.

That's all. Go big.

-M, p, z & shredder