18 Loads and Counting...

Not sure if anyone else has experienced the complete terriblness of having bed bugs, but I can honestly say there is nothing else like it in the world. Just to clear some things up, bed bugs aren't around because you or your apartment are dirty, they come because they are the creepiest little assholes ever. They get spread because people don't realize they have them and walk around or have people over and other people bring them back to their place and the cycle continues. Apparently there's been an outbreak in NYC this summer and it finally hit us. Luckily I've been gone for a long time and haven't been bit or bothered, but my poor roommate has been living in fear for a little over a week now. I came back from Michigan just to do my laundry (literally 18 loads and I have another 2 to do in the morning) and clean my room.

So once you have bed bugs the only thing you can do to get rid of them is follow the exterminators instructions to the letter. It includes cleaning all of your clothes and bedding, then sealing them up in plastic bags (luckily I have my car as storage and don't need to being them back into the apt), clean out all the shelves and vacuum everything, vacuum your shoes, seal up everything else and move everything three feet away from the wall. If you've seen my apartment you'd know that moving anything 3 feet from the wall puts it squarely in the middle of any room. Basically you just ram stuff around anywhere you can fit it as long as it isn't against the wall. It's kind of like moving only you have no place to put your stuff and instead of boxes, you're putting things in bags after you clean them.

I've realized two things over the course of the day: 1.) I have too many clothes, and while I look incredible in all of them, it might be time to simplify my belongings (this is what should happen but I'm not going to get rid of anything more than the 2 garbage bags full I already did) and 2.) This experience is completely unique to bed bugs. As I understand it, for other bugs, you don't really need to bag everything up and vacuum every shoe, you just need to move shit and clear out. This is the worst. And I'm very tired but if I fall asleep I'll be eaten. Eaten! So it's 2:30 and I'm awake and blogging because I'm afraid to close my eyes.

Bed Bugs are creepy. They live in wall sockets. They crawl around behind the wall until it's dark out and then come out to bite. They are heat seeking assholes which means if they are in a room where no one lives (kitchen, bathroom, my room for the last few months really) they will seek out a new room where people sleep (my roommates room). How creepy is that. It's like that scary story where the phone call is coming from upstairs, only worse because these bugs are scary as shit.

Anyway, that's what's up. The exterminator comes in like 5 1/2 hours so I'll let you know what happens after that. Lucky for me I get to help people move for the four hours I have to be out of the apartment after he bombs it out, so that should be fun. The last 24 hours have sucked and the next 12 are going to be equally shitty. I just want to burn this place down and not deal with it, but that would be way too much trouble.

Go big.

-M, p, z & shredder

oh ps - how lame do I look to people when they come to my blog and see that no one is following me on google. No one! Look to the right side of this page and sign up so I don't feel so insecure.

Falling Asleep...

In honor of my nightmares, here are some scary *ss bugs.

I don't know about you guys, but I like to watch something before I got to bed. Usually I'll watch a movie, if I can start it so it ends before midnight, but if not I'll watch a couple episodes of something I have on dvd. Lately, I've been watching the X-Files before I go to bed and usually it's nothing scary so it isn't really a big deal, but last night, I watched an episode that was all about these swarms of cockroaches that were killing people. It's funny that I can watch this show and not be scared by murderers or aliens or government conspiracies, but the second you put a bug on the screen, I start freaking out.























I'm not sure what it is exactly that is so scary about bugs. I mean up here in the north part of North America, there aren't even any bugs that can kill you and most of them won't even bite you. We have no killer spiders, no killer bees, no killer anything, but for some reason, to this day, I run from bees and get the willies from cockroaches. The only thing I don't mind are small spiders because I actually think they are pretty cool and might be the only bug that I'll hold. So what is it about bugs that freaks people out? Is it the way they look? Is it the way they are presented in the media? Is it the way they move? Whatever it is, it's ridiculous. Aside from an incident with army ants when I was 7, I have never had any reason to fear bugs. I've never been stung by a bee and aside from a few spider bites, I've never been bitten by anything more than a mosquito.


















Whatever the reason for my fear is, it's probably justified. I mean just look at them. They're f*cking scary. The whole lot of them. There is no close-up picture of a bug that is cute. They're all crazy and maniacal looking. Like they are plotting how best to turn me into a "host body" and take over the world from inside my head.

Perhaps the scariest, most menacing of them all...




















Gross. I'm out. As always, go big or go home.

-M, p, z & shredder

oh ps - here's a pic to make you laugh: